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Monday, May 6, 2002 syntheticallyORG is dead D.E.A.D it expires on may 2nd 2002. no one informed me until now. what am i to do now? i have a blog no more, for i am homeless... @ 09:53 p.m. Saturday, November 10, 2001 it's so strange. there seems to be so many replicas of him lying around the world. every time i came across a place at least one person strongly resembles him a ton. and even my own character was being modelled after him. i keep telling myself my obsession towards him was long gone but hell, no this is absolutely no truth. no matter how hard i tried it's no easy job to overcome the great love i have for this one person. it too sounds too selfish to myself as well but i can't resist being tempted. never. those long whitish hair... those cold blue eyes that show no mercy nor human kindness... the tanned skin of his... those muscless... just everything of him remain strong even until now... i really want to forget him but he lingers in my brain... why do you have to do this to me even you don't exist... kunzite... why....? @ 12:12 a.m. Friday, July 13, 2001 Feeling bored and not willing to go to bed at this time since I have swapped beds with Mom, I went on a test-taking spree and started to take the many personality quizzes available online. There is this Personality Test I have seen on many people's blog and I have not taken it yet. So, out of boredom, I took it and I can hardly believe my results at all. Why, and I have always believe I am a better person but no, the results show that in fact I am such a dangerous 15-year-old.
RESULTS: After reading the semi-detailed analysis of the above disorders, I realized that I am so much of an insecure person, all my fears and hopes flashed through my mind that moment. Yes, indeed it is true, I am always pretending to be strong and independent all the time, where in fact I am one of the weakest persons and most dependent on everyone. How... how strange is that... @ 02:09 a.m. Wednesday, June 27, 2001 Your-site hasn't reply to me about the email problem yet, and I can't reply to Athena until I am able to receive incoming mails again ;_; Sorry, Athena, I didn't mean it, I'll reply to you right away when I got it, I swear. And to all the people who have sent any feedbacks to zita@synthetically.org, I'll do my damnest to get back to you asap, too. I don't get an answer to my Greymatter problem, I think I am going to reinstall everything in another directory today and put up a 'MOVED' sign at the current address of Nonsense. I don't care having so much stuffs installed but anyways I am going to delete the *cgi files after I have finished my move. Pitas is good but I hate it, I don't like the subdomain it gives me (leave the hell of me alone, all you opinionated people. DON'T start with me about this issue. I beg you) and I would rather have a blog hosted on my domain instead. Don't feel bad about the comments on Hong Kong, because you are also correct about it. The media is a big influence, right? Hehe nevermind the blog problem, it was just acting weird the other day ^^; @ 12:21 p.m. Tuesday, June 26, 2001 I am not going to blog at Nonsense until the dear problem have been solved. It's breaking my heart to do this but, I don't want more of my written entries to be overwritten again. The first three entries were already gone, I am not allowing it to happy again. After what had happened lately, I really want to get myself a blog domain, but I would be wasting more of Dad's money if I do. I really loved the domain name I suggested to Gaile, I am desperate to register it and turned it into my blog but the problem is money. That damned thing. Shit. I cursed again. I noticed I swear or curse whenever I am feeling pissed or depressed, and in fact I cursed A LOT! Well well nevermind, that's my habit. It's hard to change no matter how much I hope. *sigh* I didn't go to the date like I should, if you couldn't tell by now already. I became incredibly depressed, and I almost cried after calling my friends. I could have attended it, but I dislike the thought of having Andy disappointed because of me. I think I better call him later, don't want to let him think I am a bad girl (though I personally admit I am :P) Well anyways, nothing really to say. I'll better start working on minako-chan.com, I hope to get the layouts done for heartvibration soon. =/ @ 04:12 p.m. Monday, June 25, 2001 Goodness, something wrong is with my dear blog Nonsense. After I have written an entry that contained Chinese characters it started to act weired. When I tried to add another entry, that became the first entry and overwrote my testing entry that I have written in late March! I am so scared about this. When I tried to write another entry, it too overwrote everything and now, I don't know what could be wrong or what shall I do at all. I really don't want to trash the blog. It is not even a year old yet and now, oh my god this really do break my heart. Why am I always like that? I really don't know why I am always putting myself into troubles when that could be prevented if I had been more careful. Perhaps I really need an advisor desperately. I am really such an careless child.
Ok, on a happier note, I have been very productive today and finished making another site. Well can't say another, but replaced a site to be exact. I trashed Tears, my former personal site, and turned it into Sophisticated Artistic instead. Yea I know it's a weird title but well, I am too lazy to change it anyways ^^; I hope that will be ok with charzz, my host, that I trahsed my personal site without telling her. I could have told her on ICQ but I am worried that she is busy, since she's on DND mode... *sweatdrop* High crime rate in Hong Kong? O_o;; Well not really locally, though there are still crimes every now and then but it's already better than the time when Sir Murray MacLeHose was still the governor. *sigh* That's why I dislike it when China regained sovereignty. Society is getting worse. Oh and btw, Garion I don't know why every time I tried to access your log, I got a 'Page Unavailable For Viewing' page the first time I tried to enter your blog. Then after about refreshing my browser for like 5 times it works again. Weird, huh? Perhaps it's just me, I don't know. *shrugs* @ 11:07 p.m. Sunday, June 24, 2001 Synthetically.org has a new layout and I want to plug it =) It has to be my favorite layout so far. Am I too late to realize it? But I just found out not too soon that I tend to do better in realistic pictures. Perhaps guardiansenshiCOM should be having some of these layouts too. @ 03:55 a.m. Tuesday, June 19, 2001 I have to get over with him, I have to forget him, I have to remind myself he doesn't exist. But this is getting too hard already. I can't forget him. He was my childhood hero, and even now I am still obsessed with him. I really have to forget him but how? It's like a small torture, with him in my mind all the time... @ 10:11 a.m. Tuesday, June 19, 2001 I know I am really crazy for blogging at 3 different places but I just can't stop it. Some of the things I don't want to say in Nonsense or my journal, I can't find anywhere else to mention them, perhaps this is the idea place, or perhaps not. I really don't know. Everyone said I have good English, but, in my honest opinion, I really don't see it that way. My English is still far from being what Mrs Khan considered to be "our standard". During the second last lesson, she told us something that really discouraged anyone. She told us our English standard was so bad, our standard was no better than a 13-year-old and if we promote to a higher standard with that standard, we are going to have a hard time learning. My lord, is my English really that bad? Now I really want to perfect my English, I feel there is a need in order to study abroad. If I don't have wonderful English, it will be such a difficult task to communicate. Despite I am using English daily, I have so many errors now and then. I can't help it, but I want to improve. Desperately. @ 01:40 a.m. Wednesday, June 13, 2001 Rain... yes the rain... and I thought it would stop for at least a day... But I was wrong, once again. The rain has started to fall again just about 5 minutes ago and I have overseen everything. A sound, on the air-conditioners, caught my attention and I looked out of the window. The sky was light purple in color, the rain transparent as always, but I could vaguely hear the sound of it. Another drop. Now I couldn't stop myself from turning left, for the rain has became so heavy again, with the cool winds... I hope it will help sort out my feelings but too bad it wouldn't. I have been frustrated since this morning, with the slight headache I am having again, the rain just appears to make things worst. I couldn't blame it for anything, however, I deserver everything for it is my own body, one which I don't treasure like I should. A deep sigh, and I took the blame. Then the rain continues... One drop, two drops, and the rainwater continued to nurtured the ground, with me sitting in front of the computer doing nothing meaningful. @ 06:15 p.m. Tuesday, June 12, 2001 perhaps it's the rain, or perhaps it's me, i don't know... yes, another day of rain. as far as I can remember, it has been raining for a week, and today it's the third day the Education Department announced there will be no school for students in Hong Kong. I should be happy, however, I am rather depressed instead. *sigh* I love charz, the love for friends. She is a really great and precious friend of mine, I am so glad I have met her. It's always wonderful to talk to her, and she is always so patient with me all the time. It's her who is there for me all the time, when I am in trouble, depressed, or need help. I really hope I can be the same too in the future, to pay her in return, as a friend. @ 02:55 p.m. Saturday, June 9, 2001 I know this is not healthy, but I believe I really am having split personalities, especially when I look at her. I know she is my friend however, I just can't stop thinking perhaps she is the inner me. The feeling is so strange, I know, but it's just... I don't know how to explain it. This is getting on my nerves to be honest. I want to be the normal person I use to but I know it's of no help. Yea, the good girl has died, years ago. To some people I really am a good girl, they believe I have the right attitude to everything. Hell, no, especially when I am around my schoolmates. I can echo their sentiments without any restrictions, but when I am around the closest people offline, I can't. They will probably scold me for saying stuffs like that. Well, I really have no idea whey I say such things, but I am pretty sure that if this continues one day I will need to consult either/both a psychiatrist or/and psychotherapist for sure. @ 07:32 p.m. Friday, June 8, 2001 Fuck shit! There are those gawd damned cockroaches lurking at home!? I have already killed 2 babies and I am sure there're a lot more but I just haven't find them yet. Where the hell did they all come from?! *is angry and SCARED to see them* @ 07:46 p.m. Tuesday, June 5, 2001 I wonder how many of you actually read this, so I will be bloggin here every now and then. I had taken 4 exams already and 3 out of all 4 I have to announce their 'deaths'. I have done a exceptionally 'wonderful' job and I am sure how 'impressive' my report sheet will be when I receive it in July. LOL I can't imagine how great I am, and I always thought I am good. Well, no more, no longer as good as I once was. Nothing really to say, I just noticed if I don't blog as frequent the hits of Nonsense drops. How cruel is that. @ 02:27 p.m. Thursday, May 31, 2001 Now ok, it appears to me that guardiansenshiCOM is down again, and it seems to me that I have gotten into real trouble this time as well. I fear I will be losing my sites, as well as my hostees' site files as well, I dont know I really don't know. I am getting so frustrated right now and earlier today I even shed tears. I haven't cry for such a long time already and this afternoon the pain was really so great. All my hard work, all the love I have pour into my sites, all the patience, time, endurance, well just everything, I might be losing everything shortly and there's not a single way in which I can retrieve everything within a short period of time, unless my host decided to be kind to me again. Gosh, I have own the domain for just a year however I have been having so much troubles lately. It seems as if bad luck have been on me again, yet once again. In the past I have always been lucky but now it has changed, good luck was no longer with me and all I have with me were the reverse. @ 08:36 p.m. |